When I say, “Lead, don’t manage,” I’m thinking about it in terms of group dynamics. So it can apply to careers, of course, but it can also easily apply to families, friends, and school settings. It’s linked to a similar saying that is, “lead by example.” It’s showing, not telling. I have to remind myself of this with my children all the time. I can get into this rut of telling them to do this and that and the other thing, but when I show by setting an example, wow, is that a powerful thing. It’s powerful for adults too. It’s about setting a tone, practicing what you preach, and not sweating the small stuff.
Leadership is about looking forward. It’s about looking to the future to what is possible. Management, on the other hand, is about looking backwards to the pack, worrying about all the little details, many of which are completely out of your control. Now, this doesn’t mean that when you lead, you have blinders on to the others around you. It’s just that you have set a tone for yourself rather than telling other what tone to take.
Leadership is about asking lots of questions and really listening to the answers that come back to you, often without a reply. It’s about making people feel heard. There’s a great quote by Robyn Benincasa, a world champion adventure racer and motivational speaker, “You don’t inspire your teammates by showing them how amazing you are. You inspire them by showing them how amazing they are.” This starts with listening.
Leadership is not about being first, but it is about making sure that your first step is the step you intended to take, the one that feels right for you.
Also published on Medium.